Passover is coming and to prepare, I’ve decided to just start listening to songs and such I find online.  Well, this morning, I was listening to a narrative about the 4 children.  Wise, wicked, simple and one who does not know enough to ask.  I could easily put my own children into these categories, but which child am I?  What does my behavior look like?  Lately, I’ve been happy, yet looking or thinking on “what if”.  What if I had a different job? another child?  How could my life be different?  Would it make it any better? What if it made it worse? Now, I think to myself… have I been the wicked child?

The wicked child asks “what is this holiday of yours?” as if it doesn’t belong to the Jewish people, as if they are not a part of G-d’s master plan.  In response, we are supposed to tell this child, if they are not “us”, then they would not have been brought to freedom out of bondage in Egypt.  It dawns on me, just as Egypt and bondage can be applied to things enslaving our bodies, souls and minds today and represent things that no longer belong in our lives, I have been bound by these “what if” questions that I’ve been plagued with.  I HAVE been the wicked child by taking a happy life filled with blessings and doubting that I am a child of G-d and part of a master plan.

If I am not part of G-d’s plan, then what am I?  I am an outsider that does not deserve G-d’s love or redemption.  If I cannot have faith that hashem has put me right where I need to be to fulfill my  highest good in this world, I am assuming that I know better.  One thing parenthood has taught me is that I know very little and still have much to learn.   I know I don’t need to know.  I need to learn and have faith.  THAT is wise, knowing that there is a plan, that I’m already a part of it and that the next great thing will present itself to me at the right time and by G-d’s will.

So, what can I do now to help my brain transition from the wicked to the wise?  I can be grateful for all of the blessings I have now.  I can ask G-d to continue to bless me in bounds.  I can ask for more.  More of G-d’s will.  More divine intervention, more inspiration, more love, more opportunities to do good in this world.  Once I re-frame how I think, what I ask for, there’s no need for “want”, no room for “what if” and no end to the possibilities.

My meditation to help me get there (and yes, I’m printing this out and putting it in my minivan):

Oh that YOU would bless me, indeed! That you would love me as your own, that your hand would be with me. That you will bring me to my highest good and greatest joy.

May the Schwartz be with you