Many moons ago, when I started planning my wedding in the month of September, I had a lot to consider. The weather, the fullness of the moon for our outdoor area, the theme, the dress, and of course, the High Holy Days. We were semi-observant Jews, having a Jewish wedding, so we needed to have a Rabbi available and of course, wouldn’t want our guests to have to choose between temple and our special day.
Fast forward seven years later. We have a billion things to be grateful for, as g-d has bestowed many blessings upon us; a fabulous house in a great neighborhood, 2 healthy sons, 2 spunky dogs and relatively enjoyable jobs that make ends meet. Our marriage has been good, but the honeymoon is definitely over.
We still love each other very much, but have less patience for each other in day to day things. He brings fewer flowers, I make less time to couch cuddle and we are less easygoing. We are shorter and terser with each other. Our intentions are good, but our years of marriage have given us history and annoyances that get recalled in our minds when the other says certain things. Even if it was not intended as such, it’s easy to ask an innocent question that carries an emotional weight and leads to a charged conversation.
Luckily, my husband and I are good communicators and we have been successful at talking our way through challenging times and difficult feelings. We have a strong marriage that we both want to be good, but how can it be great? How can we be better? How can we renew ourselves and our relationship? How about our 7th anniversary falling on Rosh Hashanah? A day when we are already asking these questions anyway.
Rosh Hashanah is not just another Jewish holiday. Rosh Hashanah is the birthday of humankind. We believe we are all born again on this day. We ask g-d how we can be better servants, parents, children, lovers and people. How can we leave behind the old, undesirable habits and remake ourselves into people that would make hashem proud? How do we head in the right direction? How committed are we to the journey? How do my husband and I take this opportunity to be the best partners possible in 5776? How can I use the inspiration of the holiday intersecting with my anniversary to bring meaning and change to my marriage? We will need g-d’s help to make it happen and I’ll turn to the symbols and traditions of the holiday for inspiration.
The shofar: The shofar is sounded in three different patterns. The first is tekiah, one long note that is a call to turn away from our day-to-day routine and refocus on who we want to be. The next is teruah, a rapid series of short notes. Its sound leads us to integrate the thoughts and reflections that come up at the New Year. Finally, shevarim, an anxious sound of three short calls. It’s the sound of our yearning to start again.
Tashlikh (“casting off”): We walk to water, preferably flowing, on the afternoon of the first day and throw small pieces of bread into the water, symbolically casting off our sins. What do I want to let go of and what will I hold onto? I make the intention to let go of resentment, judgment and cynicism and hold onto love, compassion and tenderness.
The food: We enjoy round sweet foods to reinforce our desire for a sweet whole, full year. We dip apples in honey, eat round challah and pomegranates. May this coming year, we be filled with as many mitzvahs as there are seeds in a pomegranate.
The point of it all, the prayers by the water, the shofar, the day of reflection, is that if we are on the right path and are committed to it, everything will be sweet. God, the universe, our higher power will see to it.
Maybe the blessing of my anniversary falling on this holiday is simply a gentle reminder 7 years after the flames of our wedding, that as long as we are committed to being our best selves, to being the best parents and partners we can be (with our faults and all), we have a lot to celebrate. Maybe we’ll have to have apples and honey more often throughout 5776, to remind us that each day of the year is an opportunity to be born anew.
May the Schwartz be with you